Losing the Language of Civility

Whatever happened to minding one’s manners?

Something fundamental has eroded from our collective experience, and it’s more profound than the shortages of funds, power, or employment, which are indeed pressing concerns. What has truly disappeared is fundamentalcivility– the straightforward practice of treating others with respect, communicating kindly, and exercising patience. This isn't a minor issue; the manner in which we interact daily shapes our lives far more profoundly than any government policy or political slogan ever could.

Observe the interactions in a bustling marketplace or a public service office, and the erosion becomes starkly clear. Individuals often resort to shouting instead of conversing, pushing instead of waiting their turn, and defaulting to suspicion over trust. Traffic congestion frequently escalates into verbal altercations. Customer service interactions can feel confrontational. Even educational environments, traditionally sanctuaries for learning and inquiry, are increasingly becoming arenas for defiance and ego. Somewhere along this path, we stopped perceiving politeness as a virtue and began mistaking aggression for self-assurance.

While this decline in decorum isn’t exclusive to Pakistan, its impact here feels particularly acute. Sociologists often describe civility as the invisible bond that holds a society together. When this bond weakens, trust disintegrates, and without trust, the concept of fairness becomes an illusion. Political unrest, economic uncertainties, and constant frustrations have collectively chipped away at our social equilibrium. Evidence of this erosion is pervasive: television talk shows that prioritize loud arguments over substantive discourse, political debates that substitute insults for reasoned ideas, and social media platforms where outrage has evolved into a national pastime.

Rudeness has regrettably become commonplace. Many individuals even defend their behavior, claiming they are merely being “straightforward.” However, being straightforward is not synonymous with being cruel. Honesty does not necessitate humiliating others. When a shopkeeper abruptly cuts off a customer, when a student ridicules a teacher, or when a driver berates a traffic warden, these actions reflect not confidence, but rather a deficit of self-discipline and empathy.

The deterioration of good manners often begins within the home. The family unit, once the primary setting for character formation, has undergone significant changes. Parents are increasingly preoccupied, burdened by financial pressures, or engrossed in their digital devices. The subtle art of instilling respect through gentle tone, patience, and personal example frequently gets lost. Children now often derive their behavioral cues from social media, where quick sarcasm and mockery are often rewarded with validation in the form of likes. Consequently, we are nurturing a generation articulate in wit but lacking in common courtesy.

Education has largely failed to bridge this gap. Schools are intensely focused on grades, examinations, and competitive performance, while the crucial aspect of moral development quietly fades from the curriculum. The termtarbiyat(moral upbringing) has almost disappeared from our everyday lexicon. Teachers, often overwhelmed and underpaid, struggle to embody the very values society expects them to impart. And when students witness politicians shouting in legislative assemblies or media personalities transforming every discussion into a heated argument, why would they believe civility still holds any importance?

Cultural norms have also shifted. Our grandparents experienced life in close-knit communities where neighbors knew each other, and elders commanded respect. There was a shared sense of collective accountability, driven not by fear but by mutual esteem. Today, high walls often enclose homes, and online anonymity distances people. The internet has granted everyone a voice, but also, paradoxically, permission to disrespect strangers without consequence. Urban living provides privacy, yet it often diminishes the empathy that naturally arises from knowing those around us.

Economic strain further exacerbates this decline. When people are constantly struggling for survival, good manners can seem like an unaffordable luxury. Yet, civility is not merely about comfort; it is essential for our collective mental well-being. When hardship morphs into rudeness, and rudeness, in turn, fuels more frustration, we inadvertently create a vicious cycle of bitterness that complicates daily life for everyone. Despite this, hope is not lost. We still encounter glimpses of kindness: a driver yielding the right-of-way, a student assisting a teacher with books, a stranger returning a lost wallet. These instances serve as powerful reminders that decency has not vanished; it has simply become less overt. Good manners are unrelated to social status or academic achievement; they are fundamentally about acknowledging the inherent dignity of every human being.

Rebuilding a culture of civility does not necessitate a grand national initiative. It begins with individual, conscious choices: speaking softly even when provoked, listening attentively before responding, and expressing gratitude even when not strictly required. These actions may appear minor, but they are the foundational seeds of a more harmonious society. Educational institutions can contribute by actively fostering empathy and teamwork. Media organizations can promote calm, thoughtful debate instead of glorifying sensational outrage. And our leaders, if they genuinely aspire to lead, must exemplify restraint and humility in both their words and their actions.

Civility is more than just politeness; it is the bedrock of progress. A nation incapable of respectful internal dialogue cannot effectively address its challenges. We can construct impressive highways and towering skyscrapers, but if anger becomes our primary mode of communication, these accomplishments will rest on shaky foundations. What Pakistan most urgently requires is not only concrete infrastructure but a robust moral infrastructure built upon empathy and mutual respect.

We live in an era characterized by rapid change and uncertainty, caught between the gravity of tradition and the momentum of modern life. Yet, good manners are timeless. They cost nothing, yet they elevate everything. The way we engage with a server, respectfully disagree with a colleague, or participate in online discussions reveals the kind of society we are evolving into. If we aspire for that society to be kinder, wiser, and more humane, then we must commence with a simple yet profound step: relearning the fundamental art of being polite.