'A Parallel World': When Daydreams Become an Addictive Escape

Beyond the Clouds: When Daydreaming Becomes a Burden

Many of us cherish a good daydream. Whether it’s a fleeting fantasy about an upcoming vacation or a vivid mental rehearsal of a future triumph, these mental escapades are a normal, even beneficial, part of human experience. But what happens when these inner worlds become so immersive, so compelling, that they start to take over your life? For some, daydreaming morphs into a condition known as maladaptive daydreaming (MD), creating'a parallel world' where people are lost in addictive daydreams, often to their detriment.

Imagine possessing such an intense imaginative capacity that you can conjure stories so real they bring tears or laughter. For some, like the original author who shared this experience with psychiatrist and researcher Colin Ross, this vivid internal cinema is a source of enjoyment, easily accessed and exited. Ross was impressed, even suggesting a career in acting. But what if you can't snap out of it? This is the core struggle for individuals grappling with MD.

Defining Maladaptive Daydreaming: An Immersive Escape

Maladaptive daydreaming sufferers often spend more than half their waking hours immersed in intricate, detailed fantasies, complete with elaborate narratives and characters. Ross notes that in extreme cases, this can consume up to 12 hours a day, with storylines unfolding over decades. While the idea of such a rich inner life might sound appealing, for those experiencing MD, this profound immersion often leads to significant disruptions in daily life and severe emotional distress.

This condition is far from rare. Ross estimates it affects a substantial 2-4% of the adult population, suggesting it’s a much more common struggle than many realize. So, how do you distinguish beneficial daydreaming from a problematic, maladaptive pattern? And what can be done to address it?

The Fine Line: Healthy Daydreaming vs. Maladaptive Daydreaming

It's crucial to understand that daydreaming itself is not inherently negative. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. “If you don't daydream at all, I'd feel sorry for you,” says Ross. It's a normal mental activity engaged in by almost everyone. Researchers suggest that 30-50% of our waking mental activity involves thoughts unrelated to our immediate tasks. Daydreaming can foster emotional regulation, enhance empathy and creativity, alleviate boredom, and even help us find deeper meaning in life experiences.

When Fantasy Becomes a Compulsion

However, maladaptive daydreaming shifts from beneficial to detrimental when it becomes “completely absorbing,” as Ross describes. “It causes distress and it interferes with your ability to function… but you keep doing it because of the compulsive quality.” This compulsive, addictive nature is what defines it as a maladaptive disorder. Upon exiting these intense episodes, individuals often feel their fantasies were futile, a profound waste of time. Yet, the addictive cycle proves incredibly difficult to break.

Personal Journeys: Living in ‘A Parallel World’

The experiences of individuals like Kyla Borcherds offer poignant insight into the grip of MD. Kyla recalls creating “other worlds” in her head from as young as four. This intensified after a difficult school transition where she faced teasing for her regional accent. Her stories became a “safe place,” a sanctuary where “nobody teased me, and people liked me.”

Kyla’s daydreams evolved into a powerful compulsion, consuming hours at a time. “It was just this really powerful urge, like people say they have an urge to, you know, binge on chocolate, or go on social media,” she explains. Eli Somer, an emeritus clinical psychology professor who coined the term “maladaptive daydreaming” over two decades ago, encapsulates this shift: “The problem arises when the person no longer harnesses the fantasy, and the fantasy begins to harness the person.”

Triggers, Habits, and the Price of Escape

MD is often facilitated and sustained by specific triggers, such as listening to music or engaging in repetitive physical activities like pacing. Around 80% of individuals with MD report incorporating unconscious physical gestures to maintain concentration during their immersive fantasies. Kyla, for instance, would pace her driveway on roller skates or bounce a ball against a wall for hours.

The sheer time dedicated to daydreaming inevitably leads to social withdrawal, isolation, and a damaging cycle of shame and regret. Kyla recognized MD holding her back in her early career: “Why would I put a lot of time and energy into trying to get promoted at work, when I can have that in my imagination right now with no effort, and it's 95% as good as the real thing?” She found herself doing entry-level work into her 40s, never pursuing advancement.

As Wanda Fischera, research director at the International Society for Maladaptive Daydreaming, asks, “Imagine your favourite TV show, but you're the protagonist. How could you give that up, if your present life is not as exciting?” MD often serves as a coping mechanism for unmet emotional needs, allowing individuals to feel loved, heroic, or successful within their elaborate fantasies.

Maria, who chose to remain anonymous, often envisioned herself on stage, recognized and successful. Fischera notes this trope often stems from a “sense of shame around, 'maybe I'm not good enough as I am, or people don't love me as I am, or I can't show my real self.'” The fantasies, full of connection, reveal “that desperate need for reducing isolation.”

Maria recounted feeling lonely as a child, rocking for hours to music to fuel her daydreams. “It captures your attention constantly,” she said, calling it “a kind of a parallel world.” Her struggle went unrecognized, misinterpreted by parents and teachers as laziness or lack of motivation. She would dedicate a year to a single storyline, creating characters and plots “enough for 10 movies.” But upon finishing a daydream, she was acutely aware of the wasted time and unutilized material.

Like many, Maria discovered maladaptive daydreaming as an adult, experiencing immense relief at realizing she wasn't alone. “I've grown up with the idea that maybe I was weird,” she shared.

Understanding the Roots: Connections and Overlaps

Maladaptive daydreaming has been linked to various risk factors. Some studies connect MD to childhood trauma, such as neglect, emotional abuse, and attachment issues, suggesting it can be a coping mechanism to avoid painful memories and emotions. It may also provide an escape for individuals navigating neurodiversity. One study found that 43% of 235 adults with an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis reported MD experiences, strongly tied to loneliness and emotional regulation difficulties.

Further research indicates strong links or similar cognitive features with dissociative and compulsive disorders, including ADHD, OCD, depression, and anxiety. Kyla, for example, was diagnosed with depression at 18, realizing “the depression was the problem, and I coped with it by checking out of real life.”

Distinguishing MD from Other Conditions

Somer highlights the overlap with ADHD — “excessive fantasy can look like inattention from the outside” — and OCD, sharing features like “intrusiveness, compulsivity, and difficulty disengaging.” However, he stresses that “overlap does not mean sameness.” Current evidence suggests MD is a distinct condition with its own “phenomenology centred on immersive narrative fantasy, dissociative absorption, and emotional investment in an inner world.”

Is MD a coping strategy, or a dissociative disorder? Somer argues it's often both. “For many people, maladaptive daydreaming begins as a coping strategy, especially for loneliness, stress, trauma-related distress, or unmet emotional needs.” However, “in a subgroup, it develops into a chronic, compulsive, dissociative pattern of mental functioning.” He concludes it is “a maladaptive coping strategy that, in its clinical form, can become a dissociative disorder in its own right.”

Seeking Help and Finding Balance

Despite being considered a clinical condition by researchers like Somer, maladaptive daydreaming is not yet officially recognized in major diagnostic manuals like the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) or the International Classification of Diseases (ICD). This lack of formal recognition has hindered large-scale studies and the establishment of standardized, evidence-based treatments.

Therapeutic Approaches and Strategies for Control

Nevertheless, early clinical evidence is encouraging. Somer notes that “targeted psychotherapy can help, especially when it addresses triggers, compulsive immersion, attentional control, emotion regulation, avoidance, and shame.” The goal isn't to eradicate imagination but to restore choice and control, ensuring imaginative ability enriches life rather than replacing it.

Finding a therapist knowledgeable about MD can be challenging. However, Fischera suggests several strategies to try before seeking professional therapy, if you find your daydreams overwhelming:

While recovering from MD can be a significant effort, Fischera emphasizes that it is achievable.

Hope and a Healthier Relationship with Imagination

Maria, for instance, discovered a passion for writing, channeling her elaborate stories onto paper instead of getting lost in her mind. Kyla now has a positive relationship with daydreaming and even moderates a Reddit community for MD sufferers, a thriving space with 18,000 weekly visitors where many find solace and recognition.

To anyone struggling, Kyla offers a message of hope: “it doesn't have to be forever.” She now celebrates her inner characters, acknowledging they “believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.” The crucial distinction, she wisely notes, is this: “Having stories in your head is not the problem. Being addicted to those stories is the problem. And that is the distinction that almost everyone on social media misses.”

If you suspect you're navigating'a parallel world': The people lost in addictive daydreams, know that understanding and support are growing. Taking the first step to acknowledge the issue is a powerful move towards reclaiming your present reality.

'A Parallel World': When Daydreams Become an Addictive Escape